airplane

Flight Plan: Kids on a Motherf*ckin’ Plane

Not-so-bright and early Friday morning, we’ll wake up, load up the car and head for the airport. Sarah’s sister is getting married in Jamaica and we’re all going–Sophia and Maddie included. What, no! I’m not nervous! How could you… why would you… I can’t believe you’d think such a thing… Ok, ok, I’m a little–what’s the word I’m looking for–terri-nervou-scare-afraid. Yes, that seems about right.

It’s not the boarding a plane part that worries me. It’s the taking two small children on a plane for the first time that does. Sophia took one flight, when she was eight-months old. To Florida. She was great there and back. But, that was a different time. We were fresh-faced parents with just one baby in tow. Now? DOUBLE TODDLER TIME! Continue reading

Inspector-Gadget

Don’t Call It a Re-Run – Diving into Cartoons with My Kids

Inspector-Gadget

Back in my day…

Oh, no, tell me I didn’t just start a post with that line. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen, okay? Keep it between us, internet. As I was saying… When I was a kid, waking up on Saturday morning and watching my favorite cartoons was probably the highlight of my week. Because SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS, DUDE! I loved them. I mean, honestly, what kids didn’t love watching cartoons on a Saturday morning? G.I. Joe, Inspector Gadget, Transformers, Hammer Man (Yeah, I watched the MC Hammer cartoon, what of it?!), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and my personal all-time favorite M.A.S.K. They were awesome and terrible all at the same time. I loved every single minute of it. Continue reading

notoyleft

No Toy Left Behind

notoyleftHow’s that saying go? All’s fair in love and toys? No, that’s not how it goes? Well, it should be how it goes. At least for kids. How many times have your kids insisted on leaving the house with toys in tow? A lot? A LOT?? I can’t tell you how many times we’re leaving to go somewhere and Sophia insists on grabbing this toy or that. Many times, it’s when we’re heading out in the morning to go to daycare.

We tell her that she can bring them in the car, but not into school, because we don’t want her to lose them or forget them. Toys are expensive, man! That changes on Fridays, though. Friday is “Sharing Day” at daycare. Meaning, all the kids can bring in a toy or two to share with their friends. It’s cool, it’s sweet, it helps teach them to share–hence the name. Continue reading

25yrengagement

A 25-Year Engagement

25yrengagement

You know how the old love story goes, right? Boy meets girl (or girl meets boy, girl meets girl, boy meets boy), sparks fly, they date, and eventually marry. Is this that kind of story? Yeah, No. Whether you wanna admit it or not, and clearly I’m admitting it, because A) I love telling this story, and B) I think it’s fun to think about, you’ve thought about an arranged marriage for your kids.

I bet you guys, all two of you reading this, are like ‘what in the hell is he talking about, again?!” FINE, I’ll tell you! It’s called being patient, you guys. It’s about that time that I agreed to an arranged marriage for Sophia… Continue reading

whats in the box

What’s in the Box?? Enough With Un-Boxing Videos

whats in the box

Have you ever thought to yourself “Gee, I really wish I could see what this toy looks like. Unpacked. Put together. And played with… BEFORE I buy it”? No, you haven’t? Okay, good, then I’m not alone. Because normal people either look at the box and see ‘oh, that’s how they look assembled’, or buy them and put them together themselves. Why do I ask? Oh, I don’t know, maybe because the trend of MEGA-POPULAR unboxing videos on YouTube is driving me insane.

But. Nick, you say, you don’t have to watch them. No, no I do not. But you know who loves them? A certain four-year old child of mine. Honestly. I have no idea how she discovered them. Somehow she went from watching Peppa Pig episodes on YouTube to watching some floating pair of hands with intricately-painted nails assembling Peppa Pig toys.

Oh, so you know about the floating pair of hands behind the Disney Collector channel? You know the one, that was the highest grossing channel on YouTube last year. Somehow, every video of these folks unboxing, assembling, and playing with toys garners millions of views. Probably from kids on an iPad clicking next after every single video they watch. I guess, then, I’m part of the problem. I can’t fault them for what they do, though. More power to them for finding something that works and making money. I wish I could do that. This is the channel where the most popular videos seem to live.

Aside from the fact that these videos suck the kids in–because, what kid doesn’t wanna see cool toys being played with–it shows the kids even more toys they’re gonna want for themselves. Granted, it’s up to us as parents to control what our kids watch on our devices. But, still I don’t understand how this trend came to be. Who thought up the idea? It just seems like such an odd thing to decide to do.

Is it just me? Is it just Sophia that finds these videos so amazing that she wants to watch them all the time? When she asks me if she can watch Peppa Pig, I know damn well that she wants to watch those floating hands put together the LEGO hospital again. Not an actual episode of Peppa Pig. What’s next? Watching someone walk into the store, pick up the box, and then pay for it? I guess we’ll call those videos “Pay-to-Play”. Make it stop, you guys. MAKE.IT.STOP.

collegeorkids

Who Did It? #CollegeOrKids

collegeorkids

Did you go to college? (Insert your mom went to college joke)… Okay, well if you didn’t, then have you ever seen a movie about college? Or how about heard a story that starts “this one time, when I was in college, I got so drunk…”? If you answered yes to any of them, then you will understand what I’m about to say. Kids in college do some really stupid shit. Like, really stupid. I never did, nope, not me. FINE, I did my fair share of stupid things, while I had been drinking.

Living in a dorm, or even in a house or apartment with other people in college will lead to witnessing some insane things. Such as? How about some random person opening your dorm room door, walking into your room, and peeing in your trash can? That happened. More than once.

You may be asking yourself, Nick, what the hell is your point? Everyone knows that college kids do stupid crap. Yeah, but did you know that when you think about it, ridiculous things that little kids do could ALSO have been done by drunken college kids. Yeah, they’re one in the same.

Need proof? OH I GOT PROOF. Check out some of these tweets that I’ve (and one from Ben) been sending out over the interwebs recently using the #CollegeOrKids.

Do you see what I’m getting at? There are a ton more examples that could be and SHOULD BE tweeted and shared, too! Now it’s your turn, my oh-so-witty readers. I wanna see what you come up with for #CollegeOrKids. Tweet them @brownie_22 using that hashtag. Or you can comment here, or on my Facebook page.

IMG_6111

Paybacks Are a Bitch: Sophia is Just Like Me As a Kid

IMG_6111“I hope one day when you have kids, they’re just like you.”

Do you want to know who said that to me? My mom. I was a bit, how-do-you-say, energetic. At all times. Even when I would be sleeping, my mouth would be running. I was always on the go, always moving, bouncing around, yapping, and just a big ol’ ball of energy. Plus, I was adorable. I mean, just look at that picture! I know. What happened, right?!

Why am I talking about myself as a kid? You mean aside from the fact that I was awesome? Because, my friends, I’ve been dealt paybacks. Paybacks in the form of having a child that is almost exactly like I was as a kid. And you know what else? Holy crap would I have HATED me as a kid! Ok, not really, but I probably would’ve wanted to lasso kid Nick and tell him to sloooooooooow doooooooown.

From the time she wakes up. Ok, well, from the time we force her out of bed in the morning to the time she passes out, she is always go, go, go, going. She’s over here, she’s over there, and whoooooooosh she’s gone! Now, I know, I’m really describing most toddlers. But, something about her being just like me when I was a kid, man. I don’t know, it’s just, I deserve it.

Not only is she all energy, all the time, but she’s also super picky about food. You know who else was? ME. Mealtime is always an adventure. The other night while having dinner, while she wouldn’t listen or sit still, I repeated a line my mom used on me many a time. “You’re giving me agita!” Granted, I did this while my mom was actually at the table. And it was also on purpose to get a reaction from my mom. But, still. Just one other reminder of how that little girl is entirely too much like me as a kid.

Plus, she’s goofy. Singing, dancing, making up her own words to songs, rockin’ silly voices. THOSE are some of my favorite characteristics. She does and says ridiculous things. Like the other morning when she said the following.

Yeah, dude. She said she has old knees. What in the what?! She’s four! How does she know what the hell old knees are?? It cracked me up. I’m still laughing about it.

Paybacks, they are a bitch. But you know what else they are? Pretty damn awesome!