The Nocturnal Misadventures of Zombie Dad

All-too often, this girl winds up in our bed.

All-too often, this girl winds up in our bed.

I figured that once we got to the point in time where Maddie was sleeping through the night, things at night would become–what’s the word I’m looking for?–settled, I guess? Routine. The same from night-to-night. I mean, Sophia sleeps in her own bed, Maddie has her crib, so things should be normal and we all sleep well, right? Yeah, NO.

See, here’s the thing: We are simultaneously dealing with two nighttime issues that are causing us, well me a lot of the times, to lose sleep. I’ve become zombie dad in the middle of the night. I have no idea how I do what I do. I’m literally a Walker when the time arises for me to get out of bed and handle these issues. What are these “issues”, you ask?zombie dadMaddie is teething. So, she’s been waking up screaming and crying in the middle of the night. So, it’s up into Walker mode, I go. Arms out just so, walking with a slight limp to wake my legs up. Whether I need to adjust how she’s sleeping, give her some Tylenol, put Orajel on her gums, feed her, or even rock her back to sleep, I’m doing it in all-out Zombie mode. I barely remember what it was I did when I wake up in the morning.

Issue number two. Sophia is potty-trained, as you may recall, since I wrote a post on just that a few months back. Well, recently, at night things haven’t been going so well. I don’t know what it is. Or why it’s happening. Perhaps she has too much to drink before bed? Or she just can’t hold it. But, it’s been a multiple-times-a-week occurrence that she comes into our room in the middle of the night, wakes me up, and tells me that she’s wet.

So, again, up I go. Take her into room. Get her cleaned up. Change her clothes. Take her back into our room and lay her in our bed. Then, back to her room to strip the sheets and blanket, take them to the basement, and turn on the wash. More often than not, the other sets of sheets for her bed are still being washed from the other nights, so she winds up sleeping in our bed.

Courtesy of

Courtesy of

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tripped in the dark, stumbled up and down the stairs, thrown wash in the washing machine without turning on the lights, and somehow managed to find my way back to bed. But, it’s a lot. I feel like a zombie on most days, not just at night.

We’ve taken steps to end Sophia’s accidents. Giving her less water before bed. Making sure she goes to the bathroom multiple times before going to sleep. What’s next? Waking her–and ourselves–up in the middle of the night so she can go to the bathroom? I guess that could be coming. But, I gotta be honest, I don’t like making my way through our house like a Walker at all hours of the night. I enjoy sleep. I forget what it’s like to get a good night’s sleep. And to be honest, that’s how my life is gonna be forever now. Might as well just embrace the zombie lifestyle… Now, who’s got some brains and humans for me to eat??

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One thought on “The Nocturnal Misadventures of Zombie Dad

  1. Be careful Mr. Zombie.
    I keep wondering when it will get better when it comes to sleep. My boys are much older that your kids but they get up so darn early, and it’s not as if they are quiet. I think they are trying to kill me.


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