Flight Plan: Kids on a Motherf*ckin’ Plane

Not-so-bright and early Friday morning, we’ll wake up, load up the car and head for the airport. Sarah’s sister is getting married in Jamaica and we’re all going–Sophia and Maddie included. What, no! I’m not nervous! How could you… why would you… I can’t believe you’d think such a thing… Ok, ok, I’m a little–what’s the word I’m looking for–terri-nervou-scare-afraid. Yes, that seems about right.

It’s not the boarding a plane part that worries me. It’s the taking two small children on a plane for the first time that does. Sophia took one flight, when she was eight-months old. To Florida. She was great there and back. But, that was a different time. We were fresh-faced parents with just one baby in tow. Now? DOUBLE TODDLER TIME!

airplaneI’ve heard far too many stories recently of other passengers angry at parents and their kids. I get it, kids can be annoying. I live with two of them, I’m WELL aware of this. Hell, they annoy me on a regular basis and I’M THEIR DAD. I love them anyway. Being trapped at 18,000 feet mid-air in a flying aluminum tube with little tyrants can be a nightmare for everyone. So, I feel your pain. Actually, I might feel your pain more than you feel your own pain. You can try to tune the nightmare passengers out. Me? I’ll be the one dealing with them. The whole time.

To the young newlywed couple on your way to your honeymoon: We were you. Exactly six years ago, we were in your seats. Filled with thoughts of sun, booze, and all-night relations. In a few years, you’ll be in our shoes and praying that the young newlyweds will cut you a break on your cross-country flight.

To the middle-aged businessman: One day, I just might be you. On my way to a much-needed getaway from work and wanting nothing more than to lose myself in my iPad. We’re sorry if we disturb you, it isn’t our intent.

To the super-judgy “perfect” parents: Just don’t. Your kids never misbehave? They never yell, scream, cry, have meltdowns, or annoy you and others? Well how wonderful for you. Maybe try to not be so judgy and have a heart.

To the parents of other misbehaving kids: We feel you. We’re in the same boat. Want to trade kids for a while? Maybe let all of our kids be friends and let them all sit together, while we adults sit together and get a breather for a few minutes.

To the couple sitting in front of us: We’ll do our best to keep the kids under control. To keep them from kicking your seats. Or from talking to you. But, they’re kids. They’re social. They might want to play peek-a-boo with you. They might want to pop out and say hello every now and then. Be nice to them and they’ll be nice to you. We’ll survive this flight together.

That should cover most of my bases. Honestly, we’re just hoping that after getting up at the butt crack of dawn and hopping aboard a flight at dawn, the kids will sleep the three hours it takes to get from Philly to Jamaica. And no one will be any worse for the wear. But, we won’t know until we get there.

Have you taken your kids on a flight before? What were your experiences like? Let me know in the comments, on Facebook, and Twitter!

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4 thoughts on “Flight Plan: Kids on a Motherf*ckin’ Plane

  1. Yikes good luck Nick! I’ve never taken my kids on a flight and I dread the day I do. Honestly, how do parents do it? Not just the being on the plane part either. But the technicalities: the car seats, the landing and finding a rental car, etc. Can my kids be out of car seats before we travel on a plane? lol.

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    • Thanks Nina! It was an adventure, for sure. I’m dreading the thought of taking them on a plane again until they’re old enough to keep themselves occupied for longer than 5 minutes in an enclosed space. Life lessons, I suppose!

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