I do this thing. Outwardly, I’m fine. I’m the same fun-loving, laughing, everything-is-great Nick that most people know. They don’t know. And that’s fine. I don’t let them see what’s going on under the surface. Hiding from nearly everyone. They ask how I’m doing, I say I’m great.
What else am I supposed to say? That inside a part of me feels dead? That I feel like I’m failing in most areas of my life? That the stress and anxiety of providing for my family is tearing me apart? That I feel like I’m a fraud as both a husband and a father? That always worrying about other people’s problems has left me neglecting myself and my own needs? That my creativity has been sapped and my will to create is gone just like *that*? That I’m filled with anger and hurt from things I try to forget from years gone by? That trying to give the life that my wife deserves and my kids deserve feels impossible because I don’t have any love for myself? Continue reading