Before I jump into this enthralling, harrowing, and hero-building story, I will warn you: It involves poop. Lots and lots of poop. There will be other stuff too, so don’t leave. Stay. STAY! I said STAY HERE! That being said, time to dive right in.

As the parent of a baby, certain things are inevitable – crying, sleepless nights, throwing up, poopy pants – but enough about me! Joking aside (which clearly is something I know nothing about), you know when you become a parent to expect messes everywhere, anywhere, at any time, day or night. Babies don’t know they shouldn’t spit up all over your suit before a wedding, they don’t know they aren’t supposed to poop through their clothes. And why would they, THEY’RE BABIES! Needless to say, I’ve grown very accustom to quick wardrobe changes for Sophia when we are out in public thanks to those messes. At home, it isn’t nearly as difficult to get those messes and wardrobe changes taken care of quickly. This story involves just such a public mess and wardrobe change, unfortunately, Sophia wasn’t the only one in need of new clothes.

When I tell you Sophia is a champion in the ways of pooping through, up, out, and around any article of clothing, I’m not exaggerating. At all. She’s a baby genius when it comes to the art of pooping.

This past Sunday we had a christening to attend for the daughter of Sarah’s cousin. The ceremony was great, Sophia behaved, and all seemed to be going well. Following the ceremony, we proceeded to a restaurant for the luncheon. As usual, she was a hit with everyone there. Of course I thought the day would end without incident. UMM, WRONG!

After I finished eating, I had Sophia sitting on my lap. Out of nowhere, my mother-in-law starts yelling, “It’s on you, it’s getting all over you!” as she lunged across the table towards me with a handful of napkins. So, what, you ask was getting all over me?? Well, if you haven’t figured that out, allow me to enlighten you! POOP was all over me. ALL OVER ME! Sophia, dressed in her nice Sunday dress, pooped, EVERYWHERE. As I sat there, it rose like an erupting volcano up the back of her diaper and oozed down the back, right on my crotch! Yes, you read that right. Sophia pooped all over my crotch. All over my nice, dry clean only, dress pants. As if that wasn’t bad enough, my screams and shrills of horror didn’t exactly keep attention away…. Add to that, Mark, the father of the baby being christened, was standing right there. Yelling over to his wife “Alyssa! Get over here! You HAVE to see this!!” Thanks for that Mark… I’m sure you will soon share the joys of the poop-everywhere-in-public scenarios!

Simultaneously while wiping the brown mess away from my crotch, we made our way through the maze of people in the restaurant and out to the car to clean up a very messy little girl. Luckily for me, I was able to clean my pants off pretty well and the shirt I was wearing was long enough when un-tucked that I was able to cover the mess. Listen, I don’t embarrass easily. Very little can make me red in the face, but this was one of the most embarrassing moments I’ve experienced in my life. Yet, I’m sharing this story with the world. Explain THAT one!

So what’s the moral of this poop-filled story? Honestly, I have no idea… Maybe have an emergency “diaper” bag for yourself with a clean pair of clothes just in case you get pooped on.

Let’s end the poop-talk right there. I’m not gonna lie, there are a ton more poop is everywhere stories I could share with you, but they aren’t nearly as funny or embarrassing.

With Halloween just passing, we had the chance to take Sophia out for her first night of trick-or-treating. Before you say anything, YES, I know 8 month old’s can’t eat candy. But that doesn’t mean we can’t take her around to get candy while dressed as a ladybug with her friends, does it?! Oh, it kinda does?? Oh, what do you know! Maybe Sarah and I just wanted to get candy for ourselves…We also had a recent family photo session at Hopewell Furnace by our friend and very talented photographer Ashely Pierce. One of the photos is below for your viewing pleasure.

That’s it for now kids, tune in again real soon for some more hair-raising adventures!